Saturday, October 5, 2013


"Food for thought is no substitute for the real thing." ~ Walt Kelly

(Yes, I know I could have gone with Pat Benatar's "Heartbreaker", but it sounds kind of dated today. Tim Pretty and the Homewreckers are classic 'merican Rock-and/or-Roll and always sound good.)

Place: heartbaker
Location: 1408 Clement Street (at 15th Avenue)
Hours: Saturday and Sunday open at 8:00am
Meal: Seasonal Vegetable Quiche[1], Chocolate Brownie w/ Caramel & Sea Salt, nutella® Bombolone[2], and a cuppa Hearth Coffee Roasters (not sure which blend/roast)

I wanted to do a small, quick, local breakfast this morning as I wanted to leave time for today's all-day free music festival in Golden Gate Park: Hardly Strictly Bluegrass Lucky 13. I also wanted to leave room for a lot of festival-type food-junk that I will probably ingest while there.

Luckily there is a brand new (open about three months only now) artisan bakery in my neighborhood called heartbaker. It is within walking distance of my apartment, so that makes it even double better. I have been there just once before for coffee and pastries (Thanks, Lori!) and wanted to see if I could make a breakfastary meal out of what they currently offer. They don't do a "full breakfast" yet, but I was told that they have plans for it in the future; however, they do serve lunches and dinners currently. There are several tables inside and two sidewalk tables if you want to eat like your zio italiano, Alberto Fresco

heartbaker offers many fresh-baked goods (hence the "baker" part of their name), such as: Bomboloni, Quiches, Bread Pudding, Brownies, Cakes, Cheesecakes, Cookies, Cupcakes, Scones, Muffins, and Tarts (as well as some other interesting items: Pot de Crème, anyone?). There were a few other choices of quiches this morning: Salmon w/ Goat Cheese and Red Onion; and Pancetta w/ Mushroom and Gorgonzola, but the one I went with was the only vegetarian one offered (they do have a Potato, Leek & Feta, but it wasn't available today). I was hoping that they had some of their Mini-Tarts (you know, those personal, little one-bite thingys), but there were none that early this morning ~ the Key Lime, Frangipan[3](sic) & Pear, or Frangipan & Fig all sounded really good and I probably would have gotten one of each in addition to all of the other stuff I ordered.

Not that it really matters, but sometimes I like to check yelp* to see what other people have to say about a new place. It seems that some yelp*-ers are quite easily befuddled. Here are a few actual quotes: 

"heartbaker confuses me. I thought it was a bakery, but it's more like a cute café that serves lunch, dinner, and a small amount of baked goods on the side." 


"I'm so confused, heartbaker. I thought you were a bakery. You have 'baker' in your name. You have pictures of baking instruments on your widow. I kept hearing of the new bakery opened, blah, blah. I go to get some fresh bread. You have no bread. You are not a bakery."

Really?! If eating fresh-baked (See? I used the word "baked", so it must be a "bakery") products mystifies you so, might I suggest you stay home and just have a sandwich made from WONDER bread? Maybe these yelp*-ers need to have the word "Imbecile" in their names so other people will not "confuse" them with actual intelligent diners.

The quiche was good enough and contains eggs so that is breakfast to me. I just wish there were a few more "seasonal vegetables” in it. I only detected roasted red peppers and zucchini, and probably Cheddar cheese in it. Bomboloni (plural) are Italian-style doughnuts; kinda beignet-like. I really was looking forward to trying the Amaretto[4] custard or Seasonal fruit preserves bomboloni; but they only had nutella®, Lemon Curd, or Vanilla this morning. The brownie was very good, but I knew I was going to like it when I heard what it was. Hearth Coffee Roasters are a local San Francisco roastery; and each cup is made fresh per order in a single-drip method.

I am not sure if they even offer any types of bottled condimentary supplementation, but I used just a skosh (which translates from Japanese as just 5-6 drops) of my own Big Papi En Fuego Hot Sauce Off The Wall Triple Hot (Thanks, Kerry!) on the quiche.

Glen Bacon Scale Rating: Seasonal Vegetable Quiche ~ 6.3;  Chocolate Brownie w/ Caramel & Sea Salt ~ 6.5; nutella® Bombolone ~ 6.4; Hearth Coffee Roasters ~ 6.7

1. Stupid, useless cunning linguist/pseudo-culinaristic pointeur du jour, numéro un:

"Quiche" comes from French, which ultimately borrowed the word from Lorraine Franconian (no relation to Tito, Terry, or Rick) "Küeche", meaning "cake" (cf. German "Kuchen"). Central Franconian typically unrounded the "ü" and shifted the fricative (I hate when I shift my fricatives unnecessarily) "ch" to "sh", resulting in "kishe", which in standard French spelling gives "quiche".

2. Stupid, useless cunning linguist/pseudo-culinaristic puntatore del giorno, numero due:

"Bombolone/bomboloni" gets its name from the Italian word "bomba" ("bomb"), and the same type pastry is also called "bomba" (plural "bombe"). The etymological connection is usually regarded as a reference to the very high calorie density of this recipe.

3. Stupid, useless cunning linguist/pseudo-culinaristic puntatore del giorno, numero tre:

"Frangipane/frangipani” is derived from "frangere il pane", Italian for "break the bread". Frangipane (not "frangipan", which they had it mispelded as on the menu) is a filling made from or flavored with almonds.

4. Stupid, useless cunning linguist/pseudo-culinaristic puntatore del giorno, numero quattro:

"Amaretto" is a diminutive of the Italian "amaro", meaning "bitter", indicating the distinctive flavour lent by the mandorla amara - the bitter almond.

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