Saturday, January 7, 2012

Eddie’s Cafe

"You come to Eddie's and you never know what you'll get…"[1]

(No official web-site available.)

(You will need to read a little further into this 'blog-entry to get this EweToob-y reference.

I heard that Ernie Kovacs is suing Harry Nilsson over the unauthorized use of his Nairobi Trio.)

My premeditated (and I hope this does not come back to cause me any legal hassles) breakfast choice for this morning was Eddie's Cafe (see last 'blog-entry from January 16th, 2011) on the corner of Divisadero and Fulton. It was all dependent on my receiving my Christmas gift package(s) from my Christmas Holiday hosts, Greg and Cindy Kipe (SF Police, please take note of the correct spelling of these two instigators' names[2]). I wanted to go back to Eddie's Cafe to give them another gift coffee mug from my latest European Vacation, Sparky, and both of the two that I had picked up in Wien,
Österriech were being sent to me in the U.S. Postal System (along with several new bottles of gift hot sauces ~ Homeland Security, again, please note that these were gifts to me and I was in no way responsible for their actual purchase) so that I wouldn't have to try to pack them in my suitcase and worry about any undue breakage[3].

Eddie's Cafe has an enormous collection of coffee mugs that people have given them over the years. My coffee today was served in a penguin-festooned cup (see photo above), probably from someone's recent vacation to Antarctica. After I had paid my bill (and was assured there would be no legal ramifications due to heat prostration ~ more to follow on that), I presented them with my souvenir Wiener Adventsmarkt mug (auf dem Adventsmarkt vor der Karlskirche; where, I believe, it was used to drink some hot, mulled cranberry-raspberry juice, Martin). I waited until after I had paid, as I knew they would try to comp my meal if I had given it to them beforehand (or have me arrested for attempted homicide). I may have to make this a New Year's tradition to give them a mug from some exotic Christmas trip I had just taken. (Not knowing if I will be able to take an extensive Christmas Holiday next year, I wonder if they will believe that a coffee mug from Brisbane ~ the one across the freeway from Candlestick Park, not the one in Aussieland ~ is an imported specialty.) I did notice that my Liverpudlian gift mug from last year was still on their shelves and in use.

As to the breakfastary portion of this 'blog-entry (that is what this is supposed to be about, right?), their menu is not really that extensive, but I like what they offer in a diner-esque way. I simply went with a Swiss Cheese and Onion Omelett[4] (Do I really need to tell you the ingredients?) with hashbrowns and an English muffin, and a cuppa coffee in the aforementioned mug.

It was all tasty, but nothing very special ~ just simple, good diner food. However, I will go back again (that is, if my photo is not on the wall stating "WANTED" or "Do NOT Serve This Man") as the atmosphere is always very friendly.

As their coffee is also just simple diner coffee, I felt it necessary to get another cuppa later in the morning at House of Coffee (over on Noriega in the Sunset) while I was getting my car's oil changed. I might not have gotten another cuppa so soon after breakfast, but as I had time to kill while waiting, I went for a little stroll down Noriega and you can't help but smell the awesome scent of coffee being roasted from over a block away; that was all it took.

I don't remember which blend they were serving over the counter this morning, but it was very good. I do remember that I watched as Henry was roasting a new batch and he said it was Colombian. Wow! Check out their Jamaican Blue Mountain at $53.00(!) per pound(!)! Now I know why this is so expensive at Bettys, too.

I remembered that Eddie's Cafe only offered "the usual suspects" for condimentary supplementation, so I came prepared with some Benito's Original Naranja (Thanks, me!), which I used on the hashbrowns. (Now, your Honour, please take close note to the following set of circumstances) I was going to try and use a little of one of my newest Christmas gifts (mind you, purchased in some ferren country ~ possibly Afghanistan or Iran ~ by the above-mentioned hooligans, Greg and Cindy Kipe), One Stop Hot Shop "Son of Smart Arse" Sauce, on the Omelett or potatoes.

As I was a little wary of the heat potency of this hot sauce (it states right on the label: "Super extreme chilli sauce for culinary use only. Heat rating: off the scale!" and "WARNING: SUPER HOT SAUCE USE WITH EXTREME CAUTION"; plus, this was a "Limited Edition ~ No: 410/5000" and signed by the producer, Andrea Wood, that should have been caveat enough right there), I wanted to try just a skosh[5] before dumping it haphazardly (the key part of that word is "hazard") all over my food. It smelled harmless enough, kinda sweet, actually. Ingredients: Tomato, Mango, Malt vinegar, Habanero & naga Chilli, 6.4m scoville Oleoresin (this is the stuff used in commercial and industrial pepper sprays), sugar, Water (hot lotta good it did), salt, 16m Capsaisin crystals (I am pretty sure that this is one of the primary ingredients in most nookular weapons).

Well, just to be on the safe side, I stuck one tine of my fork into the opening (really no more than a dab) and put it on my tongue. No big deal… until about five seconds later, when the heat really kicks in! The lady sitting next to me (one of the owners or workers at the restaurant) saw my reaction and asked to try some, too. She put just the tip of a toothpick into the hot sauce and touched it to her tongue, also. Her reaction was much the same as mine, nothing much… until five seconds later and "Kaboom!". Well, the other diners at the counter all had to check it out, too. Everyone's reactions were pretty much the same. This stuff was very hot ~ well, way too hot to use in large doses. This may not be THE HOTTEST hot sauce that I have ever tried, but it is definitely up there with the likes of Blair's Sudden Death (Thanks a lot, Sean!). I am just glad that I thought to try a little before dumping it on my food. Seriously, there is no way I would have ever been able to finish my breakfast if I had.

I about killed one of the braver servers when he tried a little (too much) of this stuff on the end of a toothpick. I warned him ahead of time and he really only had enough on the end to cover the toothpick, but I knew it was still going to be too much. He took it well enough… for about five seconds, then it kicked in and he turned bright red. It took about another ten minutes before he was done feeling the effects; I was really afraid at first as he really was having trouble breathing (I am not joking here). I tried to warn him before he tested it, but I just thought "Hey, he's Korean and probably puts some gochujang on his cornflakes every morning" so he may have a higher heat tolerance than me or the other idiots that tasted it at the counter. Seriously, "a little dab'll do ya" with this stuff. (Greg and Cindy, you may be contacted by the authorities for multiple cases of homicide by hot sauce.)

This hot sauce will not only induce heart attacks, it is also the main cure to jump start your heart in case of a heart attack (hence the silly EweToob video above, Harry).

Glen Bacon Scale Rating: Omelett ~ 6.0; House of Coffee ~ 7.0; "Son of Smart Arse" ~ fugeddaboudit!

[1] This was stated by the lady a few stools down from me at the diner-countertop who was brave/stupid enough to try some of my "wicked hot" hot sauce; it was said in a good way, not in any disparaging way towards Eddie's Cafe. She said that she lives in the neighborhood and has been coming faithfully to Eddie's Cafe for many years now. That is a resounding enough endorsement for me. I just hope that she lives to see tomorrow after trying some of that stupid hot sauce.

[2] Stupid, useless cunning linguist pointer of the day,
номер один:

The word "Kipe" if transliterated into Russkij would be "
Kипë". "Kипë" in Russkij means "boiling", as in what that poor Korean guy must have felt like was being done to his tongue and lips.

[3] As it was, one of the mugs (a cool red one from the Schloss Belvedere Weihnachtsdorf, which was used for some very nice gluhwein) received a bit of damage to its handle; however, I am keeping that for my own, anyway. Hopefully, a little Elmer's® Glue-All will suffice in fixing it. If not, it's not as if I really needed another coffee mug of my own. I have over fifty mugs in my own collection already.

Sure, the coffee mug handle breaks, but the suspect hot sauce bottle remained intact for criminal purposes. Go figger.

[4] Once again, this is how it is actually spelded on their menu.

[5] Stupid, useless cunning linguist pointer,

"Skosh" is an 'merican slang term meaning "a little bit". It comes from the Japanese word "
少しビット" (closely pronounced "sukoshi"). More than likely, this term came into use by 'merican GI's after WWII or during the Korean War, while they were stationed in Japan.

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