Sunday, April 1, 2012

Dottie’s True blue café

Still the Marilyn Monroe of breakfast joints, no kidding.[1]

As today is one of the Highest Holy Days for Fools and Idiots like me, I had to celebrate it with a breakfastary mass at Dottie's True blue café (see last 'blog-entry from January 22nd, 2012). Even the Parking Gods were on my side this morning, as I found a great parking spot today almost in front of the restaurant; well, except for some idiot in a red Mercedes convertible that got the best parking space directly in front of the entrance. I was gonna key his car and complain to Kurt about it, but I figured what is the point, as the fargin' bastage probably has a good insurance policy, anyway. Funny, there always used to be a similar car parked out in front of Dottie's old location, too…

Even with the much larger space of their new location (which has more than doubled the seating of the old place), there is still a bit of a wait if you don't get there just when they open; but at least now many people can wait inside during inclement weather, Mr. Twain, and, with the additional tables, the turnover is usually much quicker. I got there just before they had opened this morning and was seated with the first wave of Fools and Idiots (I think I was either Fool #7 or Idiot #8 in line).

My set of kitschy Salt & Pepper shakers this morning was some kinda barbershop pole-themed ones for the colour vision deficient:

As usual, I forewent (which is always a foregone conclusion, dog gone it) the standard menu and ordered off the Specials Board:

There were several good choices from which to choose (I always hate those kinds of choices that I can't choose), but I saw the one choice that I really wanted (which they happened to be all sold-out of the last time I was there): Zucchini[2] Cakes ~ topped with Poached Eggs & Spicy Marinara Sauce, fruit & potatoes (well, it wasn't topped with fruit and potatoes, they were both on the side and separate; that is just how they have it on their menu). I also ordered a glass of grapefruit juice and a cuppa coffee.

I could rave on and on and on, Mr. Charles Hardin Holley, about how much I love this Italiano take on the standard Eggs Benedict, but that might take many years and cost many lives. Let's just say that Kurt has a real winner with this genius idea. Today's side of "prats"[3]: blackberries (which are really a deep purple and not black); blueberries (which are really more of a purple than true blue); strawberries (which are more of a red, than straw-coloured) and cantaloupe (which is cantaloupe-colored, of course). (Who names this stuff? A dog? The guy that designs Salt & Pepper shakers?)

I was fully aware that Dottie's already had a great selection of condimentary supplements (see photo above of their "hot stuff hutch"): several types of Tabasco® as well as many other brands. However, I felt liking using some of my own collection and used some Palo Alto Fire Fighters Pepper Sauce (Thanks onces agains, Amys!) on the potatoes, and just a skosh[4] of One Stop Hot Shop (Fine Fiery Fayre) 'Smart Arse'® Extreme Chili Sauce (Thanks a lot, Cindy?!? Greg, you have been cleared of all future lawsuits, as Cindy has confessed that these attempts on my life were all her idea.) on one of the poached eggs/Zucchini Cakes. The spicy Marinara sauce was pretty tasty on its own, and provided a little heat, but I wanted to try out another of my new hot sauces that were a "gift" at Christmas ("gift" as in "Arsenic and Old Lace" kinda "gift", perhaps?).

Now, 'Smart Arse'® Extreme Chili Sauce is exactly that; this stuff will not only clear your sinuses, but simultaneously make your nose run… a Marathon! It's not as if they don't warn you about how hot this stuff really is. Right on the label there are these warnings:

"Only for the INSANE!!"


"Keep away from children and animals."

First off, if you are truly insane, Captain Yossarian, how would you know to read the stupid warning on the label?! Secondly, what?! Breathing Difficulties?! Seriously?! This is a selling point?! And thirdly, there are no children or animals that would be foolish enough to ever try this stuff!

Ingredients: Red Peppers (80%), spirit vinegar, water, bhut jolokia chillies (6%), capsicum oloeresin (6.4m Scoville Units), tapioca starch, salt. Refrigerate once open and use within 4 weeks. (Yeah, right! No way I am using this up within four years, let alone four weeks.)

I hear that the UC Davis Campus Police have bought 24 cases of the toxic stuff for the next "Occupy" protest…

At least I was smart enough to test the teeniest of amounts on a toothpick yesterday before foolishly pouring any amount on my food. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, and I would really have to be a member of the Cap'n J*ter Fan Club… "Go Y*nkees!"

'Smart Arse'
®, my ass! This stuff is just downright stoopid-ass®, fools!

Glen Bacon Scale Rating: Zucchini Cakes ~ 7.6; 'Smart Arse'
® Extreme Chili Sauce ~ fuggedaboudit!

[1] I was going to do a whole "April Fool's Day" joke 'blog-entry on how much I hated my meal today, etc., complete with a "Seinfeld" EweToob clip of George's "Opposite Epiphany":

But I thought it would be a bit sacrilegious. This would be as bad as making a Jesus Christ joke on Palm Sunday, like:

Q: Why can't Jesus Christ eat Skittles® in Central Florida?
A1: Because he's Jewish and there are no Jews (left alive) in Central Florida.
A2: Because he only wears a hoody on Saturdays.
A3: Because they fall through the holes in his hands.

[2] Stupid, useless cunning linguist and pseudo-culinary/agricultural pointer of the day:

"Zucchini" is/are really a fruit. It/they are a summer squash and a hybrid of the cucumber. The Italian word for "squash" is "zucca"; the diminutive is "zucchina", which is "zucchine" in the plural. However, "zucchino", the masculine form, becomes "zucchini", as used in the dialect of Tuscany. If any of that isn't quite clear, you can take a large shot of 'Smart Arse'
® to clear your head.

Any Britishlanders reading this, you can look up "courgette" on your own; that's what you get for borrowing a word from the stupid French.

[3] Not really a stupid, useless cunning linguist pointer of the day, more of just a stupid, useless accentual pointer of the day:

"Prats" = "fruit" in the Filipino dialect. As in, "Would you like some prats for dessert?"

I was told this explanation by a friend who is a Filipina and am not making fun of the entire race. A lot of Filipinos pronounce their "F's" like a "P". Hence, you can say Filipino or Pilipino. They consider "fruit" a plural and add an "s" to it often. I forget why the "oo" sound in "fruit" is pronounced as an "a" sound, though.

Now you know why there aren't that many Filipinos in the NHL; they can never play with a "puck" politely.

[4] Seriously, when I say "just a skosh" I really meant just a tiny amount. I took a toothpick and spread just the amount that I had collected on only one of the Zucchini Cakes, and, even then, I could still taste it throughout much of the meal.

I have already stupidly and uselessly cunning-linguistically pointed out the etymology of this word once before here, but I wanted to insert it in today's 'blog-entry as "skosh" happens to be the "Word of the Day" on my Page-A-Day® calendar.

Note: At least there were no Korean waiters harmed in the writing of today's 'blog-entry.

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