Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Non-Dairy Milk ~ Part the Fourth

"Yet do I fear thy nature; it is too full o' the milk of human kindness." 
~ Wild Bill Shakespeare, Macbeth, Act 1, Scene 5

I am just following up here with another quick 'blog-entry (see last post from May 29th, 2014) on non-dairy milk products. Just to reiterate, I am neither lactose-intolerant, nor Vegan (nor Vegan-intolerant, even); however, as always, I am still a little skeptical of those stupid Vegans and their secret handshakes (which we all know are made from almondmilk[1] or soymilk and never with any honey added). Since my last taste-testing, I have tried three more varietals for substitutes of dairy milk: cashewmilk, hazelnutmilk, and hempmilk.

(You may be wondering why I use the terms "almondmilk", “soymilk", "etceteramilk" as one word. This is mainly because the companies selling these products do so. If you have a problem with this, I suggest that you take it up with the Marketing Departments of Blue Diamond® or Silk®.)


I didn't see any half-gallon containers of this product in the refrigerated dairy section of the grocery store; I just bought a quart-size carton of the shelf-stable stuff (usually found in either the Coffee & Tea aisle or the Asian Foods aisle of most grocery stores). 

This was a pretty good substitute. As to be expected, it was strong with a cashewy flavour. I found that this wasn't such a great drink to have with a snack of cookies in a tall glass (that would be the cashewmilk in a tall glass, not the cookies; cookies should always be eaten in a demitasse), but it was okay when used in most cereals for breakfast. I didn't try any in my Coffee ("real" Coffee should always be taken black and without any sugar), but if you are one of "those types of people" that like to add cream/milk and sugar to your Coffee, it may add a nice extra flavour to it and sweeten it a bit, too. 


Once again, I could only locate this product in the quart-size cartons of the self-stable variety. 

I liked this one much better than the cashewmilk. It also had a strong hazelnutish flavour quality to it, but I found that it went decently with either cookies or cereal in the morning (and, by that, of course I meant either cookies in the morning or cereal in the morning). I can only assume that this would go very well in your Coffee if you like to add any cream/milk and/or sugar to it; this is a more natural combination than Coffee and cashews. Plus, hazelnut flavour always pairs very well with many Chocolate products; I can see heating this up and substituting it in place of regular dairy milk in a Hot Chocolate drink.


I have seen half-gallon containers of this product in the refrigerated dairy section, but I actually found a half-gallon shelf-stable carton in the Coffee & Tea aisle of a local grocery store. It was on sale for cheaper than the cost of most of the normal quart containers, so I figured this would be a good time to try it. As best as I can figure, hempmilk is usually made mainly from hemp seeds and water, and with a few other ingredients thrown in.

This one had an absolutely horrid flavour. It kinda tasted like the liquid in the bottom of a can of tuna fish (for anyone that has ever made a tuna fish smoothie, you will know exactly what I mean). I tried it both in a tall glass with cookies (Uggh!) and in a bowl of cereal for breakfast (not quite as ugghly, but still pretty 'orrible). I really can not recommend anyone ever adding this to any Coffee drinks either.

I don't know if it was just this one brand of hempmilk, Living Harvest® tempt®, that tastes this bad or not. But after forcing my way to the bottom of the carton, I really have no desire to ever try any other brands of it, anyway. I had purchased just the "Original" (sweetened) version of this; however, I am not tempt®-ed in the least to try their "Vanilla" or "Chocolate" flavoured ones either.


So, in conclusion, it is my opinion (and, as always, as it is my 'blog, it is only my 'opinions that truly count here) that hempmilk is to be avoided at all costs (even when that cost is on sale for half-price). And with no extra-added THC, what is really the point of a product made from hemp?

Glen Bacon Scale Rating: Cashewmilk ~ 6.8; Hazelnutmilk ~ 6.9; Hempmilk ~ 5.0 (and that is being very lenient)

(Whereas: Almondmilk ~ 7.2; Coconutmilk ~ 7.0; Flaxmilk ~ 6.7; Ricemilk ~ 6.5; Soymilk ~ 5.8; and real organic Cow milk ~ 8.0)

1. Just to let you know that almondmilk is actually not such a new fad perpetrated by the likes of crazy Vegans and Whole Foods® Market in the 21st Century:


Maybe Israel was really "the land of almonds and honey", Moe.

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